Let's backstab, shall we?

It’s disappointing, really, when we meet people who have not a noble heart but a very dark one. It’s more annoying when you can’t run away from them and have to stick with them just because you have to, because of the situation…just because you can’t run away.

In life, I’ve met so many different people with many kinds of attitude, perception, and prejudice. I thought those were the worst. Well, I guess I was wrong. The worst kinds of people you may see on this planet are the people who have the darkest heart, the most hypocrite face, and the sharpest backstabber!

Always, I can’t relay what I have in mind in writing but I always hope that my readers can understand what I’m trying to say. I just want to advise you all, please, don’t be too nice to people just like I did! 

Honestly, I had no suspicion over that person. I always thought that the person is nice, that no harms will ever be done to me. I always gave the best, I’d been very helpful, and I’d been very kind as I was doing all that because I was thinking that person was one of my friends. Well, I guess, I was very naïve or should I say stupid? For doing all the nicest things that I could have ever done and after all, what I got was a very sharp, hurtful, painful backstabbing effects?

Pardon me for not having beautifully arranged sentences here but this just portrays the clutters in my mind right now. Every day I’ve been waking up and sleeping to this matter. Now my life is no more as peaceful as before I met that person. I feel very sad. Why? Why do these people have to exist in this world? If they have to exist, why do I have to meet them? Why don’t they meet among themselves and backstab each other? Won’t it be fun and they’ll learn from each other?

Well, when I feel like this, all I can say over and over again is I feel so sad, disappointed, annoyed, and mad. I need to get rid of this person but as I said earlier, I’m stuck. I can’t do anything right now. All I can do is just see that hypocrite face and feel that burning desire to push me down. Yes, that person doesn’t like seeing me happy. So that person just wants to see me down and sad. That person can’t do anything except to backstab me. How sneaky but alas, I knew! How did I know? Simple. You can’t cover a dead body because that smell will eventually lead people towards it.

All I hope for in a friend is honesty. It’s just hard to get this. No wonder people always say honesty is the best policy. Now I see, if you’re not befriending people because you really want to befriend them, then don’t expect that you have best friends! I don’t know why you’re like this but I really hope you will realise what you’re doing.

Deep in my heart, I think you shall never rest in peace after what you did to me. Let’s pray that God shows everything and clear my name back. My dignity has always been abused by these kinds of people who have the darkest heart, the most evil intention, and the most hypocrite face that you’ll never imagined them killing a single ant! Backstabber, just you wait, just you wait…for something will befall you, I’m sure…because the slightest evil deed will always have a repay.  Thanks for backstabbing me. I hope you’ll always have nightmares…

i'm just disappointed

it would be a lie if i said i'm okay with everything that just happened

a strong denial is just an affirmation

truthfully, everything swirls in my mind

i'm sad, mad, unhappy, upset

most of all

i'm so disappointed

there's no need for me to describe what just happened

just enough to say

everyone in the world

will go through a time,
that they become disappointed with what they had been putting hopes for

at least, in my case

it wasn't me who put that hope

but that person who raised the hope and just left when i've raised it high

what goes up must come down

that's what Alicia Keys sings

yeah, true enough Alicia

nothing remains high up there

eventually they will come down

just like my spirit right now

it's enough to say that I feel like such an idiot

such idiot that i've never imagined

such a thing that i've been criticising

is now happening to me

never, trust anyone,

that's my advice

nothing serious happened

but being me

such a little thing means a chaos in my life

being such a perfectionist, though not really perfectionist

i hate when something messes up my life

 i just hope that life will get better

i will look for the rainbow after this storm

though i don't know when the rainbow will appear

i'll try hard to get on my feet

and search for that rainbow

i was waiting on a different story

this time i'm mistaken, 

for handing you a heart worth breaking,

and i've been wrong

Nickelback sings and that just suits my situation right now

i just hope right now

someone would ask me, kenchana?

korean for are you okay?

not just anyone, but that someone

but you know, it will never happen

because i'm waiting on a different story

let's hope that this will be my step stone towards a better life

though i'm still weak to face whatever to come

sometimes tear fills up my eyes

and i cry hard

not because i'm frustrated but i feel so stupid

yes, stupid...so, very stupid

i have to get a grip of myself

if you're in the same boat as I am

let's tell ourselves

if it's not me to help myself to get up, then who would?

everyone has their life

so we should stand up for our own life too

 

 

is it over?

such a little thing

is so powerful

to ruin everything

such a little thing

has been tearing up my heart

and has set us apart

are you giving up

because of such a little thing?

are you mad over

such a little thing?

you leave me with no clue

you just go away like that

like it is my fault

like I am to be blamed

for such a little thing

while I don't even know

what happened

or what's happening

it seems like

I'm on the dark side

fine

you can put the blame on me

but I know

I'm not wrong

because I know nothing

it hurts

really

deep inside

such a pain to bear

such a torture to face

never in my life

had I imagined

that I'll be blamed

over such a little thing

that I'll be trapped

like an idiot

who has no clue

of what's going on

I've been living my life to the fullest

until I met you

I put aside everything

I put aside all negative thoughts

even

I rejected someone's proposal

just because of you

alas!

everything seems useless now

though it still hurts

really deep inside my heart

I'll take that blame

and bring it far

I will never forget this day

no

because for such a little thing

it's enough to show everything

I know everything is still blurry

because I still know nothing

but I'll brace myself

and face it

it really hurts

such a torture

such a pain

that can leave me in a drain

-Aziemah Gekozen, 2013-

You're different...

Indeed

You're not the same like the others

You're different

In the words that I can't describe

You're special

In the ways that I can't picturise

Yes

That's you

You don't need a key

To the door

That's why

You're special in your own way

You use no words

You use no actions

Yet you're so special

Alas

I'm still worried

Are you in the same boat as I am?

....

You're just different

....

Apa Status Warganegara Kita Sekarang?

Yup, kebanjiran warga asing sekarang sangat la menjadi-jadi. Pegi mana2 memang tak sah kalau tak jumpa diorang ni. Jumpa takpe lagi, tapi yang dah makin berlagak ni apa kes? Baru jadi pak guard dah rasa taraf ketua polis negara? Memang nak kena penyepak betul!

Nak dijadikan cerita, satu hari aku pergi hantar kawan di sebuah apartment kat Cheras. Tau2 je lah kat situ, apartment memang susah nak masuk kalau orang luar yang nak masuk. Tapi yang itu takpelah, sebab kalau dia senang2 bagi masuk, security dah tak betul la kan?

So, setelah bersoal jawab dengan pak guard kat depan (of kosla bukan warganegara kita), aku pun dibenarkan masuk. Yer la, takkan muka aku ni muka nak pecah masuk rumah orang? hahahaha...

So, aku dengan bahagianya masuk. Happy jer sebab dibenarkan masuk. Lepas tu nak parking sebab nak singgah rumah kawan jap. Nak pegi toilet punya pasal la ni...haish...tapi parking tu memang tempat orang keluar masuk. Kira macam takde tuan la...

Alih2, bila aku turun, dah ada pak guard lain (yup, warga asing la) duk berdiri kat tepi keta. Ingatkan dia nak beli roti sebab kat situ tiba2 boleh pulak ada penjual roti atas motor. Boleh pulak dia masuk kan? Ke memang macam tu?

Well, back to our story. Sebab aku kan dah nak balik, so borak2 la kejap dengan kawan tu. Kata2 perpisahan katakan. Tengah baru nak happy2, tetiba pak guard yang ntah hape bahasa dia cakap pun tatau, duk menyampuk kitorang duk cakap. Orang duk bercakap, dia sibuk2 nak cakap, dahla tak faham satu habuk dia cakap.

Lagi best dia cakap sambil tunjuk2 kat keta. Kitorang dah pelik. Dahla tadi reverse parking, baik punya kena divider, dah calar kat belakang, ingatkan ada calar lain lagi. So aku tengok2 la, takde apa pun tempat dia tunjuk?

So kitorang sambung borak2, wat tatau kat dia. Pastu dia cakap lagi (aih, memang nak makan penampar betul!) Tak reti langsung nak hormat orang tengah bercakap. Pastu aku dapat tangkap perkataan clamp dan rm50. Hah???!!

Pastu penjual roti (yang penyibuk tu), tiba2 tolong translate. Dia cakap, "Ni kalau clamp mau kena rm50."

Laa...apa kes kau nak clamp? Apa kes?

Kawan aku yang naik geram, tanya: Laa, kenapa pulak nak clamp?

Pastu pak guard tu cakap (dengan susahnya kitorg nak faham): Tadi saya ada kat situ, takde sapa2 bagitau nak masuk sini.

Eh? Ada kat mana?

Dia tunjuk kat situ. Tempat yang memang kitorang lalu masa sampai tadi.

Laa, tadi mana ade orang kat situ. Dia cakap, adaaaa.. Mana ada. Tadi mana ada orang. Lagipun kitorang kan dah lepas masuk kat depan tadi. Maknanya pak guard sorang lagi dah tau la kitorang masuk, Dah siap ambik no. plate lagi.

Pastu dia duk cakap lagi yang kitorang tak bagitau dia.

Eh, bodoh bin bangang betul la dia ni. Tapi aku memang cool je, yang menjawabnye kawan aku. Kalau ikutkan hati aku, memang nak kena bangla ni. Tak tau ke aku tengah tension keta baru calar langgar divider? Rasa nak pelempang je kat situ...mentang2 la kitorang ni pompuan kan, memang saje cari pasal.

Pastu, dah mood kitorang dah hilang. Aku pun get ready untuk bertolak. Tapi aku macam buat main2, buat lambat2 nak balik...biar dia sakit ati.

Mula2 aku pegi halau kucing, halau tak bsungguh pulak tu hahahaha...dua2 ekor pak guard ngan penjual roti tu masih kat situ, x bganjak langsung, nak suro aku balik, tapi x bagi laluan. 

Pastu aku masuk kereta, bukak tingkap, start enjin, pasang lagu, minum air, cakap2 sikit dengan kawan. Dua ekor tu duk tunjuk muka, bila la minah ni nak blah.

Heh, seriuslah...muka nak menghalau macam ni bukan negara aku! Sangat sakit hati okeh! Menggelegak darah jangan cakap laa...Macam ni negara diorang! Macam diorang tu pulak imigresen yang menghalau pelarian!

Sangat sakit hati! Dah lama aku duk fikir pasal isu kebanjiran warga asing neh! Tu baru kena macam tu...Yang kes2 jenayah berat tu? Macam mana?

Haih...berat nanang sungguh doh negare kite le ni...

I Attended A Wedding Today...

I attended a wedding today, after a very long time since the last wedding I went (which I can't even remember when)...

Well, we sat down near the speaker.

The song was so loud yet I felt so lonely, so sad...

This was first time I ever felt sad attending a wedding.

Yeah, surely you can guess why, right?

While eating, I was asking myself, when will my turn come?

I kept thinking to myself, and suddenly I asked myself, why I had been asking myself this ridiculous question?

Ah, crazy!

But I just felt that way...

when we're depressed...

we tend to write when we're depressed (full stop)