Yes dear readers. If you know me through my previous blog posts, I love making changes to my life and often, the change that I'm making is drastic, at least for people around me. As usual, they will see my action has not been given enough thoughts.
Well, of course, who wants to ruin his or her life with stupid decisions, right?
What I'm trying to say, I am making this big change after considering a lot of things and would you want to know what trouble I have created this time?
I QUIT MY JOB!
Yes. With the economic downturn, I sent my resignation letter despite the big project that I was handling, the project that would boost up my name as a textbook editor in Malaysia. When I asked for my friend's view, what does she think, should I stay and be constantly busy until September or should I just send that letter that I've already written without a date on it.
My friend's answer made me ponder hard. She said:
Who cares whose name is printed on the textbook? Only certain people will pay attention to it. Others will just ignore and use the book because it is compulsory to use that book in school.
I thought and thought. Actually I really loved the job. I was really proud with my skills and ability of being an editor. However, day by day, I also felt that my English was getting worse. I don't know if you spot any grammatical mistakes throughout this post. Maybe you'll find one or two or maybe not, I don't know.
I postponed my intention to quit because I felt responsible to help the team. There were too much on the plate and I could be a help. However, I had come to a point that I felt I couldn't do it anymore. Plus I had part time jobs which require my full attention. There, there, finally with a heavy heart, I opened the letter, wrote a date, and sent it to my manager.
Of course everyone was shocked. As I said earlier, my action was drastic to everyone but no one knew that I had been considering this for almost a year and it was time.
Not that my income from the part time jobs were higher than my editor's salary but that salary was not really high either. So my dear readers, again, I have cut down my income to half. While I was doing masters, I also quit my freelance job and my income was half too. But at that time, my commitment was not very high compared to now.
Now I have a car. With that comes petrol expenses and also the toll. Also I have 3 insurance policies, my education loan, personal loan and blah blah blah.
Well, what I can say, Man! The struggle is real!
Oh no, I'm not going to stop my insurance. The harder your life, the more policies you should have, I live by that principal. Sometimes mom would try to persuade me to find another job. Try for government agencies, they offer pension. Well, I just kept quiet.
Honestly, I don't know what I want anymore. I don't know what to do anymore. I feel blank. I feel lost. I have messed up my life. BUT what I know, I couldn't stay at the company any longer for certain reasons. AND I know I don't want to work 8-5 anymore. I just want to do business and not tied down to any stupid rules anymore.
So here I am. Sitting with loads of sigh and relief. I work freely. I decide what time I want to do my work and when I want to sleep or eat. It all depends on me, I am the boss. And that's the issue, discipline. I need to be stricter to myself but I am happy to do that. I am no longer stressed. Though life is harder now, I am happier. No more traffic jams in the mornings and evenings. No more nausea and not enough sleep.
Alhamdulillah. So far so good.
But I know, there are tests await me. Though I'm just sitting at home, not bothering anything and anyone, people are still searching for trouble with me. They're making stories which are untrue and telling the stories to people who don't even know me. They accuse me being lazy because they see my car at the porch while they do not know that I am working hard in front of my laptop.
This really broke my heart. The person that I thought I could trust with all my heart is actually a backstabber. The very same person that I thought understands how my life is, how I feel, what I do, is actually the one who is making the stories about me behind my back. Another one person that I really respected is actually the one that betrays me. Honestly I thought that person will guide me through this but now, it's all ruined. I don't know who I should trust anymore.
There has been so many times I got betrayed with people who were close to me. Do you want to know what I feel? Let me create an analogy for you because I don't want to tell the real story of mine.
Try imagine, you have a best friend. That person is really nice to you all this while. You'll be there for him/her and he/she will always be there for you. You are a hardworking person. You work till late. You don't have enough sleep because you would want to send your work before the deadline. When you've finished your work and successfully hit the deadline, you decide to rest and sleep. You do this every time you have a project. Your best friend knows about this. Your friend knows but he/she does not see you work because he/she sleeps and wakes up early. You continue doing this on and on and you're just happy with what you achieve. Then one day, you meet another friend. That friend suddenly tells you, I've heard rumours about you. What is it? I've heard that you like to sleep during the day and does not come out of the house. You only stay at home being lazy. Lazy? Yes, they say you're lazy and sleepyhead.
There, there. I'm not a good story teller but that's only a part of it. If I were to write everything, this post will be very long. So despite the financial struggle that I am having right now, I'm also having backstabbers and jealous people talking about my personal life.
I don't know what they want from me. I don't go around pissing off anybody. I just sit here and do my work. What have I done wrong? Seriously? My conclusion is: There will always be people who will disturb your life though you have done nothing.
Man, the struggle is real. If only I can kick their butts! Let's hope they have nightmares for the rest of their life.
If you're in the same shoes, yeah we cried, a lot. We cried until no more tears left. We almost kill ourselves. We hate everything because we have always been nice but why do this happen to us? Believe me friends, I believe this is only a test for us before we're given something a lot nicer and better.
Let's wipe our tears and get up. Dress up and show up. Cheers!
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