Thursday, August 30, 2012

Cerita sebelum raya

Apa ke halnya nak cerita sebelum raya nih? Orang lain dah sibuk letak gambar raya. hahahaha. Sorry lah sebab sebelum ni memang tak sempat nak menulis. Kenapa? Ni nak cerita la ni hehehehe

Nak dijadikan cerita, sebaik sahaja tamat Defence of Proposal-Kali Kedua hari tu, aku terus buat keputusan nak balik rumah. Aku dah penat memerah otak untuk benda ni. Lagipun sebenarnya hati tak tenang sebab atuk aku sakit teruk kat kampung.

Sebenarnya, dah dekat dua bulan dia sakit. Biasalah, sakit orang tua. Umur pun dah 70 tahun. Tapi, sakit dia kali ni agak berat sebab dia tak lalu nak makan. Bayangkan, selama sebulan tu, dia memang tak makan. Dia cuma bertahan dengan susu. Lepas tu, nenek aku akan masak bubur nasi, blender nasi tu, dan dia akan hisap dengan straw. Itu je makanan dia hari-hari. Disebabkan dia tak makan, dia takde tenaga untuk bangun. Kira macam terlantar la kan.

So, aku cepat2 nak balik tengok keadaan dia macam mana. Masa aku sampai, memang terkejut tengok dia. Kurus kering dan pucat. Tak pernah aku tengok dia sakit macam tu sekali. Dulu masa dia masuk ICU pun, tak nampak teruk macam tu. Memang jelas nampak tulang, macam dah tak ada isi. huhu

Lagi satu, aku beria-ia sangat nak balik sebab takde orang muda kat rumah yang boleh tolong jaga atuk dan nenek aku. Semua orang kerja dan belajar. So, tinggal aku sorang aje lah yang macam available. Sebab atuk aku dah lama sakit, lama-lama nenek aku pun semakin tak sihat. Ya lah, dia sorang jer yang jaga atuk. Malam2 yang bangun urut atuk aku, dialah.

Atuk aku ada jugak penyakit lelah. Kadang2, waktu malam dia tak dapat nak tidur. Kadang2 dia sesak nafas. Lepas urut belakang, barulah lega. Disebabkan tak cukup rehat, nenek aku pun hampir2 jatuh sakit.

Erm, aku takdela cakap balik nak jaga atuk dan nenek sebab sebenarnya aku tak pandai jaga orang sakit. Aku cuma boleh tolong bawak diorang pegi klinik, beli makanan, bawak nenek pergi beli sayur dan lauk mentah. Macam tu je lah. hehe

Nak dijadikan cerita, seminggu sebelum puasa, atuk aku masuk hospital untuk kali ke-3. Kata doktor, atuk aku dah lemah sangat. Darah dia pun tak macam orang normal dah. Sebab dia makan ubat tapi tak makan makanan lain. So, ada penyakit lain datang iaitu banyak garam dalam darah. Tapi, sebenarnya lepas 4 hari duduk hospital baru doktor dapat kesan penyakit atuk aku tu.

Kesian jugak kat nenek aku sebab dah 4 hari tidur kat hospital. Aku pulak, hari2 ulang-alik pergi sana. Belikan makanan, bawak baju bersih, ambik baju kotor. Itu je lah yang aku mampu buat. Nak tidur kat hospital, takkanlah anak dara nak duduk kat wad lelaki. Tak eloklah.

Kebetulan pulak adik bongsu aku pun demam. Mak aku pulak kena ikut lawatan sekolah sebab dia kena bawak budak. Terasa macam tak cukup kaki tangan. Eh, aku tulis ni bukannya nak mengeluh ke apa, cuma nak menceritakan pengalaman yang aku lalui. Cuma nak berkongsi, ok?

Lepas doktor kesan penyakit tu, diorang pun cuba lah cuci darah atuk aku. Tapi lepas 2 hari, takde perubahan. Atuk aku terus dihantar ke hospital Kota Bharu. Sebelum tu, di hospital Besut. Dia dihantar sehari sebelum puasa. Kebetulan, nenek aku dah tak larat sangat. So, dia tukar giliran dengan mak aku. Mak aku pun ikut sekali naik ambulans pergi hospital tu dan bermalam di sana.

Dua malam mak aku kat sana. So, sahur hari pertama, aku dengan adik2 kat rumah dan mak aku kat hospital. Agak sedih sebab mak aku tak sahur sekali kat rumah. Orang lain kata, "Ala relakslah, bukannya apa2 pun. Orang lain lagilah, tak balik kampung, duduk kat perantauan, okey jer." Ya lah kan tapi sebenarnya aku sedih sebab aku dah ada kat rumah tapi tak dapat sahur sekali jugak. Itulah, kadang2 aku ni sentimental terlebih sikit. Nak buat macam mana huhu

Ditakdirkan, lepas dihantar ke sana, akhirnya atuk aku dibenarkan keluar. Fuh..seminggu jugak duduk hospital. Harap2 lepas ni dia sihatlah. Slowly, atuk aku pun semakin pulih. Tapi lama jugak dia nak sihat balik. Ya lah, dah hampir 2 bulan sakit, dah kurus kering, perlukan masa untuk pulihkan semangat dia balik.

Ditakdirkan, dekat2 hari raya, dia dah okey. Selera makan pun dah kembali. Cuma banyak benda yang dia mengidam. Paling dia suka makan masa bulan puasa hari tu adalah siput sedut.

Masa hari raya pertama, tersangatlah ramai orang datang melawat sebab diorang tau atuk aku sakit. Memang tak menang tangan. Rasa macam buat kenduri pun ada hehehe..

Syukurlah atuk aku dah sihat. Dua hari lepas dia dah buka kedai balik setelah 2 bulan tak berniaga. Semalam dia dah start drive balik. Walaupun aku agak ragu2 nak bagi kunci kereta (padahal tu kereta dia hehehe), tapi aku bagi jer lah. Senang dia nak pegi kedai.

So, itu ajerlah cerita aku sebelum raya.

Ramai kawan2 jeles sebab diorang kata aku cuti lama. Lebih sebulan duduk kat rumah. Tapi diorang tak tau, hari2 aku sibuk ke sana ke mari. Tapi takpelah, takkan nak cerita kat semua orang kan? Sekarang atuk aku dah sihat, baru aku cerita hehehe

So, sebab dia dah sihat, aku dah boleh balik Shah Alam balik. Tapi apa pulak yang menanti kat sana? huwaaa...tak nak balik sana boleh tak? Duduk kampung lagi best! Paling tak tahan kat sana adalah cuaca yang panas. Redha ajerlah huhu

Wednesday, August 29, 2012

Change for the better

I've always wanted a challenging life. When I say challenging, it's in a positive way, not negative. Well, you can say that I'm a psychotic or what, but actually, I love leading a busy life. Honestly, I don't like it when I don't have anything to do or if my life is in slow-pace mode.

I really like fast-paced life. I don't know why. Maybe because this kind of life makes me more disciplined, time conscious, and blah blah blah. hahahaha....let me go straight to the point.

Actually, I feel like my life in these recent 2 years has been a bit boring. Yes, it is challenging but only academically. And I'm supposed to be busy reading and writing and researching but I'm not! Somehow, day by day, I'm getting bored and my motivation has declined.

Then, I thought to myself. "Maybe it's time for a change!"

"Change for the better, Aziemah!"

There, I remembered what that person told me. But I was too afraid to do the changes. Because the changes that I wanted were beyond my imagination. hurmn

I remembered when I was in form 1. I was admitted to a semi-boarding school. That school was a famous school in my province. It can be said that everyone in my class of standard 6 wanted to go there. So, I was a successful candidate and there I registered for the school.

That was my first time staying at a hostel, away from home. The distance was only half an hour but I had to stay at the hostel because no one would be sending me to the school. However, on the first day I already had headache and fever. Then, I was too weak that I didn't tidy up my bed. As a result, I was scolded by a senior. She didn't know that I was weak. Being a twelve-year old, I could only cry after that.

Day by day, I got stressed out when there was always no water at the hostel and I got a rash skin. I was also stressed with seniors who thought they were the best at everything. whatever. If only I could shout at them, "Don't think you're such a goddess!"

Then, my health began to deteriorate. It was so bad. For countless times, I asked my mom to transfer me to another school but she refused. I had to stay. Though the hostel was bad, the school was excellent. I loved the school and the teachers so much but I just couldn't bear with the hostel. Every week I would have fever or headaches.

One weekend, I was sleeping because I was having fever. Then, my mom came visiting me. She asked:

"Do you really want to go away from here? Won't you feel any regret later?"

"Yes! Definitely yes!"

I didn't have to say more. My situation just proved that I really wanted to go away. That very week, I was transferred to a normal school near my house. I was placed in the second class, but I didn't mind because students in the first class must stay at the hostel. At that time, I was so phobic to staying at hostel. urgh!

Although my new school was not a semi-boarding school, I was so happy there. I could study peacefully and not having rash anymore. I also became top students there.

See, sometimes we have to change for the better. Sometimes, what we think is good for us may not necessarily be good to us. We just have to experiment it. If the change is a failure, it's okay. We can always go for the next plan. What's important is we have to get out from our comfortable zone!

Very well.

Actually, I'm considering of a big change ahead. I don't know if I can make it as I made it during my secondary school, but I just think that I need this, even though it may risk something that is worth my time and every penny that I spent.

I've been thinking for almost 6 months and now, I'm so determined to carry out my plan. I just hope everything will go smoothly and no regrets ahead.

What change is it? I will tell you when I have succeeded. For now, I'd better remain silent.
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