what kind of feeling is this?

i had been avoiding this for all my life

i was so afraid of this kind of feeling

i was so afraid if i would ever be hurt by it

but then, i fell for it...

i fell very deeply into it though it wasn't me who started first...or was it me?

never mind because i really fell into it

at first i was happy

every day i felt was brand new

but now, everything seemed fake

was I dreaming or was it real?

doesn't matter because now this feeling is torturing me

i don't know why

i don't know what's the problem

aaaaaahhhh...maybe because karma has come?

i did this before to others

maybe it's payback time to me?

aaaaahhh...i had been avoiding this feeling

because i didn't want to hurt anyone

but alas! now i'm hurt

it's torturing me...so painful!

ah god, please help me! i need your guidance my Lord...

huhuhu i really wanna cry right now, i'm so sad, disappointed

why? at least give me a reason!

Flight Delay Is Better Than Your Flight Has Gone Away!

Hahahaha

This is a true yet a sad story of mine!

As the title says, if you're experiencing a flight delay, believe me, 

it is so much better than your flight has gone away!

This happened to me last week.

I was planning to go for a vacation. I even applied a 4-day-leave from my boss!

Everything was ready.

The hotel was booked, we even paid the deposit!

We had the boarding pass for the return flight!

The ONLY thing left was to check in for the departure.

But maybe it was fated. Maybe God was not willing to allow me to go there. Who knows what awaited us there. That was why God saved us!

We knew, we had to check in 2 hours before departure for international flights. But only God knew why, none of us remembered or had the intention to check in online! And there were SO many OBSTACLES on our way to the airport.

Traffic congestion, missing our junction, lost somewhere in a remote village, parking lot was full 

blah blah blah

To be honest, I wasn't so shocked though that was my first time I missed my flight and my vacation! My instinct already told me that maybe I won't make it but I just didn't want to listen...

Well, from this incident, I also learned that PUNCTUALITY is very important and never go back to pick up something that you can buy at your destination!

Yes, I did that. I went back to pick up an iron, a sweater, and an extra bag! SILLY ME!

All of us thought that we still had enough time for the journey.

There there there...let's think POSITIVE!

Only God knew why. He must have better plans for us! That was why he made us think that we had enough time, that I went back to pick up those things...

Whatever it is, I still want to go to that destination somewhere in the future.

From now on, I'll never miss my flight! Unless if God wants to save me from something that I don't know ^^,

Growing Up Sure Is Bitter-Sweet

Since when a vacation does not make your heart thump loudly anymore? Does not make your adrenaline rush all over the body anymore? Does not make you smile broadly anymore?

The answer is SINCE you've GROWN up!

I can't believe this! Really!

Is this really happening to me?

I'm not excited over anything anymore.

I really feel lifeLESS...

LIFE...it seems to me, there's no more SOUL

no more HAPPINESS

no more JOY

all the time I keep worrying

though I'm not doing any reading on research articles anymore

BUT I feel no joy

I feel restLESS

everything SUDDENLY becomes a big concern

it seems to me

there's a big chain holding on to me

Well, maybe this is the meaning of growing up

of having my own LIFE!

I don't know what to say...

Maybe this is what we call RESPONSIBILITY

Every little thing seems to require big attention

Feeling so depressed lately

Don't know why

Maybe the environment or situation is pushing me

it is compressing me

making me someone who i'm not used to be

i need to get out of this!

it's hard, yes! it is hard to grow up and have your own life!

but for sure, there's something SWEET about growing up too

hehehehehe

when this something SWEET comes to your mind

you really can't stop SMILING all the way by YOURSELF!

don't know what i mean?

well, just wait until you find your own life...

maybe you'll feel what i feel

if you're lucky, you won't feel the bitterness

good for you

whatever it is

I wish all the best to all of you

I just want to express my depression

over everything...almost everything

no, i hate no one

i'm just so upset that i'm in this situation

that's all

Above all, i believe, God must have something good for me

let's pray for the best!