The Change...

Hi!

Do you remember I've been talking about making changes in my previous posts? If you haven't read it, here are the links:

Change for the better
It's not easy

Well, if you have been following my blog closely, you will be able to guess what change that I want to make.

Hurmn, I think it is time to reveal about it. Though it is not official yet, I'm announcing that I want to quit my study! Yeah, I'm quitting! That's the change I'm talking about!

After a thorough process of thinking and deliberating with people around me, I've decided to quit. I want to change for the better.

You know, it's not easy for me to make this decision.

Why? Because I've spent almost 2 years of my life for this research. I've been working hard to get a fund for my study. I've been doing several part time jobs just to support my life and study.

BUT...I just can't go on anymore. No, I'm not blaming anyone else. All I should blame is myself because I can't be disciplined enough to carry on with my research.

YES. I have passed my second defence of research proposal. Everyone is saying to me, "Why not just carry on? You have passed it. You just have to do it a little more. Your 2 years will be wasted."

Yeah, A LITTLE MORE they said. Truth is, the proposal is only 30% of the entire research process AND I just took 70% of the actual time to finish it.

When there is a will, there is a way. But now, I don't have the will anymore. It is POSSIBLE for me to do the rest 70% within that 30% of time. But, we can only PLAN, dear. We can only plan...

Let me tell you something. At the early stage, I planned to finish within 1 year and a half. If possible, I even wanted to finish within 1 year but the system won't allow it. So, I made the plan. I drew a Gantt chart and showed to my supervisor. But, things just happen you know.

We were told that we were only allowed to do our presentations during the second semester. And what happened? I did my presentation ONE YEAR from the registration date and I failed. Just imagine, how disappointed I was. I was so depressed that my intention to quit started to emerge but I carried on. I consoled myself and started writing again.

However, I only did my second presentation FIVE MONTHS later. It wasn't anyone's fault. Not me nor the system. My friends and I were supposed to defend only three months after the first but nothing happened.

Well, after my second presentation, I went home because my grandpa was severely ill. I was at home for two months taking care of my family. I wrote about it.

Cerita Sebelum Raya

During that time, I keep contacting my friends asking if the result was out. I eagerly wanted to know if I had passed the evaluation but it was nothing. For two months, there was silence. And then I heard the system just started a meeting for it after that two months.

Even so, after the meeting, NO ONE contacted me to give the full result. For my first defence, a staff sent an email to me and gave me an official letter. But this time, there was nothing. Someone accused me for not having self-initiative to look for the staff and ask about it.

Yeah, that person said it because she didn't know that I had been asking my friends, and my friends had been asking the very same staff about the result, and the staff didn't know anything. At the end of the day, the staff didn't contact anyone of us to collect the result when it was out.

Enough! I have had enough of this bureaucracy system! All the systematic process just eats out my time and wastes it. I just can't see a brighter future anymore. I don't see why I should continue on. I just see another wasting of time and another hard-to-handle system.

I really wanted to say every little thing in my head relating to this but I need to keep it because it involves other people.

If only I could vent out everything here...

By the way, my supervisor hasn't known this yet. Somehow, I'm quite scared to inform her about this. huhu